My Favorite 2009 Celebrity Death is....

Stop Reading if you are easily offended or have a sick love of celebrities. I joke at death, deal with it.

My Favorite 2009 Celebrity Death. With so many famous corpses and so many reason to their demise, how do you even pick a favorite?
I know the cause of Death.
Sorry Micheal Jackson, you dying of an OD just isn't that shocking.
Farrah Fawcett dying of cancer suck ass and in her case that is especially true.
Walter Cronkite, Bless him, but he was old.
Adam "DJ AM" Goldstein, Drugs, not a big shocker in Hollywood for the last 50 years.
Patrick Swayze-I loved him in Ghost, I hope he haunts Whoopi Goldberg again.
Brittany Murphy, when people have to say you were in Clueless from 1995 you weren't THAT famous.
Bea Arthur-my favorite Golden Girl, well she wasn't on the young list either.

So that leads me to my favorite celebrity Death of 2009.
David Carradine!!! Who else in 2009 went out on Auto-erotic Asphyxiation. Fucking Classic. I now have a new found appreciation for Kung Fu (the TV show).

Back and Barfy-er than ever!

So sorry to have not updated in a bit, but I got knocked-up. Yep and little fetus is kicking my ass with morning sickness. I am just over 9 weeks right now, and have yet to feel glowing or magical, just a whole lot of puking. I have been and will be on bed rest for this whole thing due to some dangerous complications. God help me and those who have to deal with that aka my Hubby.
Even with all those baby shows like A Baby's Story, Birth Day and what not, I have learned jack shit. The need a show about pregnancy gas, hot and cold chills, eye fatigue, heaving, and over all hormone hell. Maybe the 2nd trimester will be better, but right now I feel like a pukey grumpus!

Thank you Veterans!!

Tomorrow is Veterans Day and I wanted to that all members of our Military. Not only do you put your life on the line for Freedom, you allow smart-asses like me to write whatever I want, because I get the privilage of living in this country. Thank you.

My Cupcake Brings All the Boys to the Yard

Time to get more bitterness and random musings out onto the interwebs.

These are just a few things that have pissed me off lately in no particular order:

Drivers with rosary beads hanging from their rear view mirrors who cut me off. I am glad you choose to use your prayer beads as decoration (not a St. Christopher's medal, which didn't he get revoked awhile back) , I mean I have a Power Puff Girl hanging from mine, but I am pretty sure God would like it more if you were not a dick on the road.

When the toilet paper sticks to itself on the roll (and not when you grabbed the wrong "dual" layer) I mean, I paid good money not to get the cheap-assed sandpaper rolls, so I should have it at least come off the roll smoothly.

It is 2009 and we have at least 3 different erectile dysfunction drugs, but Omega-3 fish oil pills make you smell like 3 day old carp washed ashore in the sun. My cat wouldn't stop licking me until I switched to the Flax seed version, as I have to take per Dr's orders. Any body want a half used bottle of the fish oil pills?

So I have been not sleeping well, and have had the TV on for back ground noise. Late/Early hours VH1 has music videos. I was listening to Lady Gaga song "Poker Face" the edited out the word "Muffin" from the lyrics..." cause I'm bluffin with my muffin"....Really MUFFIN, I mean yes we all know what she means, but muffin???? I think just for that I will call my special place cupcake for a year or more as my way of fighting the "Man".

Ok, time to do something like clean I guess.

A better way to do a Blow-job?

So many things to be snarky about, and my mind is like some sort of evil hop-scotch game....my thought train derails often, so I think I will pick leaf blowers for today's rant, as it seams like a relevant topic in autumn.

A leaf blower is gardening tool that propels air out of a nozzle to move yard debris such as leaves. (according to Wikipedia).

To me the are an useless, annoying tool, that people use to annoy their neighbors and or to be lazy sacks of crappola.

I live in a townhome, so I pay money to the association to take care of lawn maintenance. They in turn pay some money to the lowest bid landscapers to take care of lawn maintenance. Mostly I am happy that I don't have to mow the 6 foot by 6 foot area known as my backyard, but on rare occasions, they landscapers sleep under my front tree and scare the crap outta me when I come home at lunch time to train my pets, as it isn't everyday you see a body lying on your front lawn (ok when it hasn't been an all night kegger)!

Anyways, back on the topic, they use leaf blowers to move the dead, fallen leaves onto the street, where in turn passing cars blow them back onto the lawns. WTF was the point? What a freaking waste of gas and time. Either rake the leaves-which I would have no problem doing myself, or mulch them with a mulching attachment on the lawnmowers. I like to be green and stuff, so this seems like a better idea for the environment, not to mention the fucking noise those little bastards make. It is the gardening worlds answer to nails on a chalk board! (as you see I am green, but more over annoyed)

Maybe if these items were even the least bit useful I wouldn't have a problem with them.

But El, I have a hurt back and can't rake-My answer...that is what your kids are for, or the neighbor kids are for. We need kids to do more manual labor, isn't there an epidemic in this nation of fat little bastards running around. Paint your rake like a Wii controller and tell them it is a new game.

But El, Little Johnny doesn't listen to me- Beat little Johnny or load him up on ADHD drugs like all your friends are doing. Give 5 bucks to the neighbor kid to do it and tell him/her you won't tell their parents about their habit of smoking/drinking..fill in the blank.....blackmail is your friend!

Happy Friggin Autumn!

Worst Christmas Song Ever!

Ok, so most of you know I am already in my holiday mind set and listening to Holiday music (WLIT in Chicago). I love music. I would die if no melodies sang to my heart. I come from a family with some pretty impressive musical talents (including opera, elite children's choirs, and such) I was lucky in my youth to sing and hopefully will make music a love when I have children.

Now that it is the holiday season, I fully look forward to hearing new and classic Christmas and Holiday music. O' Tannenbaum by Vince Guaraldi Trio (the Peanuts music) just jazzes me all up, as does Josh Groban's O' Holy Night for it's power and musical beauty. I am also fond of Dominick the Donkey from Lou Monte. I have a CD case devoted to all my Holiday CD's and I may need a new one soon. One of my Favorite memories was of my mother (before going bat shit crazy and being an alcoholic) would get out her favorite Holiday albums (yes kiddos, vinyl) The best one was not only an awesome record, as it was see-through red, but it had a collection of beautiful carols. I was also delighted when she put on the "Little Drummer Boy" record which has carols, Gospels, and spirituals on it.

Anyways, this brings me to the WORST Christmas song ever......Christmas Shoes performed by NewSong (2000). I am not alone in this judgement, as In Tom Reynolds 2006 book I Hate Myself and Want to Die: The 52 Most Depressing Songs You've Ever Heard, he names "The Christmas Shoes" as the most depressing song in modern recorded music history (per wiki) I just heard this song for the hundredth time, and I want to slit my wrists.
How the Hell does some one's mom dying and being poor have to do with either Christmas/Jesus's Birth/Sparkley Commercialization Joy?

Here are some of the uplifting lyrics:

Daddy says there's not much time
You see, she's been sick for quite a while
And I know these shoes will make her smile
And I want her to look beautiful
If Momma meets Jesus, tonight.

Wow-thanks, where is the nearest bridge to jump from? Oh and they have kids singing this. Poor children! I donate to a cause every Christmas, even when I don't have much, because I want to share the joy of the season with people who were like me and struggle with life. If I want to be guilted into savoring life I will listen to another Favorite:
Christmas Song from South Park: Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics.

The minute we're born we start dying
We die a little more every day
Young or old Rich or poor
There's nothing we can do to stop it
So look long at that Christmas tree
It may be the last one that you see.
Decorate your house in green and red
'Cause someday you'll be dead.

Chorus-sang by Kids also-

Dead, Dead, Dead
Someday you'll be dead
Dead, Dead, Dead
Someday we'll all be dead
At least this song is uptempo and is on the same album as Merry Fucking Christmas and The Lonely Jew On Christmas which are also a holiday treat! (yes I know-I am going to Hell)

This Cracker loves some Goldfish Crackers.

I was in the shower shaving my legs, lest I look like Chewbacca, when a little ditty popped into my head. It was a jingle for one of my favorite animal shaped food products (and yes I have multiple favorite animal shaped food products, including Nabisco Classic Candy coated Animal Crackers they are fucking fantastic! ).

It was the old jingle for Gold Fish Crackers -" the snack that smiles back until you bite their heads off". I friggin loved this advertising campaign. I was sad when they shortened it to just "the snack the smiles back", as it is all about biting their heads off!!!!!!

You just know some uptight parent complained that the slogan would turn their little angel into a serial killer. Dude it wasn't the slogan that turned Lil' Johnny into a homicidal maniac, it was the lack of parenting and all the drugs like ADD pills for the kids who don't need it (yes there are who need it, but you know the ones that are getting scripts from doctors only because parents can't discipline their kids or don't care to).

Anyways, I really miss that peppy jingle!

I am a Hungry, Hungry Hippo!

When I get hungry I think of all the foods I love but am not able to get. Then I think of all the foods I love, but will kill me with grease and yummy fat! Then I remember I am chunky even though I hardly eat anymore and can't keep food down. Thanks fuckered up thyroid/stomach issue. I don't even bother trying to explain to rude ass people who comment on how fat I am, I just tell them I am pregnant with ice-cream's baby and walk away ;)

Let's pretend I am able to eat normal foods. I have compiled a list of foods I want right now!
Here they go:
Philly Cheesesteak wit-out onions, but wit the wiz
Krystal's Chili-pups
Chik-fil-A chicken sandwich without the pickle
Anything from Waffle House, no onions
Bacon-wrapped Chicken from Texas de Brazil
Deep Fried Twinkies from Hamburger Mary's
Deep Fried Pickles
Corn fritters and Fried Chicken from White Fence Farm
Queso Fundido
Fried Clam Strips
Muffuletta with extra olive salad
Deep Fried Mac n' Cheese bites from Joe's
Fried Honey-Nut Cheerios
Fried PB & J topped with a schmear of cajun mustard
Cookie Dough, with extra chocolate chips.
A bacon wrapped filet topped with a garlic butter
Waffle Fries with cheese
Beef with cheese from Portillo's, again no onion or peppers
Tempura Shrimp
Bacon wrapped sea scallops
Fish Tacos
Godzilla Roll from Sushi Station with the nummy dipping sauce
Roll Cake from Mitzuwa
Queso from Chevy's

Well now I am really hungry!

I'd Tap that.....

It is time for a lesson about food. Yay. Today Teacher El is going to school you on Maple Syrup. Mmmmmm

Maple syrup is made from the sap of Maple trees. Trees most commonly tapped for sap collection are Sugar Maple, Black Maple, Red Maple, and Silver Maple. Maple sap becomes maple syrup at the moment when its concentration of sugar reaches 66% which is doing through heating the sap to condense the sticky fluid. It is a interesting process, so if you want more info wiki it. Vermont is the biggest U.S. producer, Canada being the biggest producer in the northwest hemisphere. Although I know of a few small Maple Syrup producing areas in Illinois, so if you are really curious to see how it is made, you don't have to go far to find out for my local peeps.

Now When I say Maple Syrup, I don't mean "maple flavored syrup" that most families use on there pancakes or waffles, but the real, honest to goodness amber goodness that is real maple syrup. Sorry Aunt Jemima, but you are not allowed in my house! If a syrup isn't pure Maple, by law it an only call it self a "pancake syrup". Yes, I realize I am a syrup snob.

Real Maple syrup can be different depending on the "grade". Maple syrup is divided into two major grades: Grade A and Grade B. Grade A is further broken down into three subgrades: Light Amber (sometimes known as Fancy), Medium Amber, and Dark Amber. Grade B is darker than Grade A Dark Amber. The dark grades of syrup are primarily used for cooking and baking.

I think most people view maple syrup as just a topping for pancakes and waffles, but there are so many more yummy ways to use this ingredient.

I love adding Maple Syrup to butter and whip it up for fresh biscuits.
Using Maple syrup in making baked beans gives it a sweet flavor that will leave people guessing.
I also love it paired with sweet potatoes like mashed, baked, or in a sweet potato mousse.
Maple-Cinnamon Doughnuts are simply too good and scream autumn for me.
Maple cream candies are also yummy, and maple cheesecake is really good, it has that sweet, but not too sweet quality to it.
Maple can also be used as a secret ingredient in BBQ sauces.
Maple pairs well with pork (maple glazed ham), chocolate, even some mild cheeses. I once had a maple mustard that was awesome with cheese and crackers.

A quick treat that is great for a Sunday Football watching is to bake up some chocolate cupcakes and top with vanilla and maple syrup frosting. Just get some cupcake/cake mix, bake as directed, then add maple syrup to some pre-made vanilla frosting to taste. Extra points if you top that with crumbled bacon!

Anyways, I hope that you might look at Maple Syrup as just more than a topping on your pancakes!

I am on the Magic Fuckin Q

So being sick and trying to dope my ass up so I can breathe, not puke, stop the pain and itching is causing my insomnia to be even worse, so now I am just loopy and sick, so what could be better than writing and sharing my thoughts with you than now!

A few months ago while on vacation I got into a discussion with my sis-in-law Jen about Linguistics and the English language. (Yes we are that much of geeks we talked about this on vacation) Words have a funny way of evolving and being used in different context than originally thought of.


Anyways, I was dicking around online and I saw something about Poison Ivy the comic book character, which was odd since I was actually looking up possible arms shipments and pirating in the news, but I digress. That made me think how Poison Ivy can conjure sexy images and what not, but you would never here a superhero or slut be called Poison Sumac, it just doesn't sound pleasant to the ears. Kinda like how masculine names tend to have hard consonants in them like Max, Jack, and Cocksucker.


Luckily we speak a language that doesn't divide words into gender categories, like the romance languages, but we still tend to think of words along some gender lines. Example Fart and Souffle, Fart tends to be a more male word, while Souffle foels more feminine. Sometimes crude words are thought to be more masculine, and almost taboo in the mouths of women, as I have learned through the years. You don't see many women making scrapbook pages with sticker words like beer guzzling, fart jokes, and ass-grabber, unless it is my scrapbook, then add words like Penis sculptures, Drunk Twister, and Living in Sin.

While I agree some words are uncouth in certain social settings, a tailgate is not one of those, but I still know of some women who view my un-polite conversations as just wrong. I can be miss priss queen of the southern cotillion when the need arises, but that doesn't mean that I should censor my mouth at my own home during a football game.

Wow-did I just make a blog about words that devolved into gender lines? Where is my fuckin NyQuil, cough drops, and aleve? Am I wearing pants? Jump on El's thought train, we only derail every 30 seconds-Choo Choo!

My First "Real" Blog, I'm a Big Girl Now!

Welcome friends! I just wanted a place to be snarky, creative, and display food porn, my art and photography at anytime the wind moved me. With the help of friends through support and suggestions, this blog was created.

I decided on Tin Foil Angel as the name for the page, as I think it sums up me and what I hope to express through the blog. It also comes from a few years of being a small child on Halloween when money was tight, and my Mom couldn't sew, so she would wrap tin foil around cardboard she cut into wings, and also wrapping the tin foil around a wire hanger for a halo. It was not some fancy costume like the other neighborhood kids had, but I got candy all the same!

I will hopefully posting soon.

Much Love,
El.