The H word

I have been battling an wandering infection for sometime now. 3 days after my surgical lung biopsy, I came down with a cold that turned evil on me. It decided after lungs and sinus cavities to make a home in a lymph in my neck. It was so very sexy to have a bulge on the side just in time to be in a wedding. Then it made it hard to eat and drink, so I took my merry ass to the doctor. I got meds that were in a family of drugs that I have known allergies to, but my other options were surgery and surgery. I felt I made a good choice. The first few days were tummy upset, but I saw the swelling go down on my neck. Then came my old friend yeast infection. It happens alot to girls on antibiotics. That was ok-I can deal. Then came bleeding from all my softer skin areas-like inside my mouth, my bum and hoo-hoo. Call the doc. He says come in now. Sure enough my reactions were getting worse. Then I tell him about the fun bleeding. He checks my mouth cause he is not my crotch doc. Sure enough it wasn't canker or cold sore, no thrush, just the tissue almost disappearing. He then suggests that I might be having Hemorrhoids also.

Ewwww I never wanted to hear that word. I live in fear of it. I was terrified when I heard that they were a common issue in pregnancy. I mean I can handle Vag bleeding, but Butt bleeding somehow seems evil. I should also note my pain tolerance is pretty high, so I pretty much got sent home with rest and to take massive probiotic pills for the next month and start my iron again as the bleeding is taking alot out of me. I also learned that I still don't like the word Hemorrhoids. If this doesn't resolve soon I may need some butt creme. Ewwwwwww. It is 2013, shouldn't we have some sort of magic vaccine against bums ever getting them? Well, at least I get an excuse to be grumpy for a bit.

lazy

So I didn't get on my blogging game like I had hoped. Damn sickness. I am pretty sure all my witty snark got flushed into the local sewer with my ability to say no to cheesecake. Luckily, being sick and meds have made me lose 6 pounds in 16 days. Woot Woot. Next up I will try and learn to sew blankets for the Linus Project with help of my MIL. Then I also need to work on my handmade Valentines. I want to find a fun way to spread love and work in the word herpes with glitter and condom use for my single friends whom may not make the wisest sexual partner choices. What can I say, I am a romantic that way. Till then stay classy Peoria and the World.

Fatty Fat Fatass, but hey I got Boobs

Oh sweet Irony, the fat girl with "anorexic" issues. Tis true though. This is New Years Resolution season and most people go with lose weight. I know I am. I was horrified at what I have become size wise. I hate it. I loathe myself. Every minute I am awake and some while dreaming, it is on my mind. I am so fat. Then again my whole life I thought I was fat, but this time I truly am. I was raised to believe outside beauty was most important, than "no one wants to marry a fatass", and I was cursed to be short with huge thighs I should hate. I was lovingly taught to find and hate every flaw. My parent taught me that I have horrible freckles, fat thighs, frizzy hair, too pale, too dark haired, too short, big nosed, and huge butt. I was taught a very complicated love and hate of food and fatness. I wasn't allowed sweets but given buttery french style meals. I would hide M&M's inside socks in my dresser. I was told even at 95 lbs. my thighs and butt were huge. Starting in middle school I would refuse to wear shorts and opted for the approved sweatpants as we had mandatory uniforms for gym in all schools I attended. I would also choose long skirts for choir. I also opted not to shower in gym and the idea of anyone seeing my "fat" body was to horrific (and lucky for me I didn't sweat). By 20 I had perfected jogging and living on Mountain Dew and 4 bites of food. I had a 21 inch waist and wore 10/12 hild's size, yet still felt I had a huge butt. By 23 though I started gaining due to a job that involved sitting and better meals. I got to a comfortable weight. By 27 I began to put on more weight that I should. Eating right and working out did nothing. I tried to find out why, but no luck with Doctors. Coworkers then would let me know I was fat and should lose weight to look good again, so classy! Skip ahead to my pregnancy which was already high risk, and my gallbladder went nuts. I ended up losing 20 lbs and had to deliver early because of severe puking and weight loss. I was so skinny again I was in a bikini 6 weeks later. It was awesome, then in one month- just 30 days I gained 40+lbs. Then it just kept coming. Got my new Doctor who said it was my Thyroid and stress (job loss, other chronic health issues, house loss, moving). Since then I have ballooned. Meds have been tried. I finally have quit gaining which the Doc said is a victory, but doesn't feel like one when I am round. Now to 2013. I want to get to a comfortable size, but have to be careful how I get there. I am eating better and have my recubant bike thingy. Hubby and I will add in more walking. I just hope I can get to a place where I don't loathe myself and fear going out in public. Next topic will be shallow I promise. :)