hope

About to hopefully start a journey that will end years of questions and pain. If I should have the chance to go before the great medical minds at Mayo's clinic another worry will pop in as a "what-if". What if no one will take the time to listen to me and hear what I am saying about my own physical health that has now crept into my mental health as well. I am nervous and hopefully, with a slight dread of what if these doctors don't listen and make it sound as if I am just nuts? I just want my life back. I just want to be able to enjoy a short walk. I would love to take a shower without the water burning my flesh. I would love to eat and not get sick after each meal. I would love to fit my own clothes and shoes,but instead swell daily up to 20 at the max. Rips in my skin and bruises on my legs trend to make me ashamed when out in public. The worst is the "hot" flashes. The are a downpour of sweat and unrelenting stomach pain.Then the fatigue which was already bad is almost paralyzing. I just want to be me. I have given up to much time, education, work, hobbies, and just being a half there wife and mother. I want my life back. I want to love life and not dread getting out of bed or into a shower. I am scared of how quickly these newest symptoms have come on and how no doctor here knows what to do. Lonely is a good word for what I feel right now.