Thank you.

I'mma Cut You Bitch

A lovely evening in mid-autumn, brought cool breezes and wanna-be-gangsta thugs. In my Burb, there is a fair amount of real gangs, but we also have the white wanna-bes too. This evening was an early to bed night as work was early in the morning, and me in the morning is not pretty, and sometimes a pissy ordeal. Our Master bedroom faced the street parking at our apartments.

I was in my fuzzy PJ pants and a tanktop, sans the boob holders. and rocking knee-socks.

I had just settled into that comfy position that is achieved only when all the elements of the world align just for you. It was glorious. The that glory turned to the wailing as my car alarm was going off. Having already dealt with car theft at a previous location, I was not gonna go for a twoffer.

I grabbed my Chef's Knife and ran down to flight of stairs screaming at the top of my lungs " I swear to God I am gonna cut a bitch!"-All while wildly waving a very large and clearly sharp knife. I for got about wearing fuzzy pants,a wife beater, and fuzzy slippers with my hair in pigtails. I didn't care, my car is my baby. I truly will cut a bitch if they harm my green machine.

Everything is Better Drunk-Right?

Geeks love food, and my Geek is no exception. He and his friends took me to one of their favorite Mexican spots in Chicago when we were dating. We had an amazing meal with a great group of geeks who treated my like one of the guys.

The appetizer really was a wonder of molten cheese, meat, and a flavor that could only come from my old friend Tequila. The name of this was Queso Fundido.(Cheese Meltdown). Holy Mother, a trilogy of awesome with a side a grease.

I hate cheap tequila, but I never turn down free booze (unless it is grape or anise flavored). Having had multiple parties and random bottles of liquor brought including cheap tequila a thought popped into my head- This is the perfect time to play let's make drunk cheese!

*In no way am I claiming this to be authentic to anything else.
*This is not Diet Food.

Ingredients:

14 oz. Beef Chorizo
16 oz. Chihuahua Cheese
8 oz. Cheddar
splashes of Tequila

In a medium saucepan, brown the Chorizo with a few dashes of Tequila. After browning, drain some of the grease off. Spread the browned Chorizo in a baking pan. Add a little Tequila. Top with the Cheeses and sprinkle just a little Tequila over the cheese. Bake at 350 until Cheese bubbles and browns. You may want to use a broiler if you would like a more molten and browned top.
Goes great with Tacos and Refried Beans. Yummy and Heartburn wonderful!



Lets get that meat drunk!



Cheese, the Oooey Gooey Reason for Living.



Spread that meat like a Hooker spreads her Legs.



Layer on the Cheese like a Hipster and scarfs.



Time to Get that Cheese Drunk!



Bonus Points if you get your cat to look at you from above disapprovingly.



Bake that Bitch!



Mmmmm melty.



Enjoy.

Crackheads are not the servers at Cracker Barrel

I love a fun crackhead. I mean where else would you see a man about 9 pm at night running down a parking lot with a large potted plant from Menards (after they closed) in Hoffman Estates. I am pretty sure by the cracked out look and meandering running he wasn't your "clean" plant stealer. We had to much fun trying to figure out if the dude was gonna try and smoke it or sell it to yuppies from drug money. Either way it gave us a laugh at addiction in progress, kinda like the whole Charlie Sheen thing, only I think some people are just wanting him to die.

I think alot of people who have had a complicated raising up have a few of there own favorite crackhead moments. My college roommate, from the south side of Chicago and transplanted to central Illinois, woke me up in the pre-dawn hours to share the news that he saw his first crackwhore on Market Street since he moved to school. It was a special moment that you toast with a box of Pop-Tarts (because it has the word tart and it was in the house) I am not trying to piss-off the crackhead community, but lets be real, they are a great source of humor when they aren't robbing you for crack money.

Road Relationships

So I was reminded recently of one of my favorite type of relationships. They are usually fleeting, but they leave you satisfied. No names are given, but a bond is created. They are like a one night stand sans the STD risk. These are the road buddy relationships. From short in-town errand runs to the long haul road trips I have been fortunate to have a few of these buddies.

I know that few drivers can leave you with a bad case of road rage, but every now and then one will make you happy for a minute with humanity. The other day while coming home from work a very nice driver in a hunter-green Jeep Wrangler coming from the opposite direction flashed his lights letting me know a cop was up ahead clocking. Thank you Jeep Wrangler Dude!

Almost every year we trek south and have a 21 to 23 hour car drive. I love this journey, as you can see things from the road that make you fall in love with this country over, and over again. From the hills of Tennessee to the red clay of Georgia the trip is just breathtakingly gorgeous. However, it is the fellow road buddies who keep you sane with the hour after hour of driving.

Last year we drove the trip with only stops for gas. It was a long drive. Luckily I had two other cars that were on the same highway for a majority of my shift of driving. It was great. We had this little posse cruising into the night. We took turns in who was 1st, 2nd, and 3rd in the line going down the road. We would slow down alerting the next guy if we saw cops (not that we were ever speeding ;), We would wave to one another as we passed each other to take over lead car duties. It was team work at its finest. Thank you Dark Blue Chevy Impala and White Toyota Camry. You made the trip so much easier!

Kool-Aid Hair

My mind gets derailed off the thought train alot.It works like this chugga-chugga WTF? something sparkley....choo-choo.

As I was making pink lemonade last night,and it made me think of making Kool-Aid as a kid. Who doesn't like Kool-Aid. I mean for someone like me who is allergic to fruit and fruit juices (except for Lemons, Limes, and Raspberries), artificial sweeteners like Splenda, nutra-sweet, and the rest, and semi-lactose intolerant, the totally fake Kool-Aid choked full of sugar was awesome! My favorite it Red, as I have no idea what the flavors are called (For all I know it was called Red). Ok, so then thinking of Kool-Aid reminded me of back in the day when my friends would color their hair with this wonder of multi-tasking powder (other than nose candy powder).

Some of you may have done this. I couldn't as my natural hair is just to dark for any Kool-Aid color to show :( , Plus I worked in a hair salon as a teenager and got whatever I wanted for my hair as part of my pay. Purple looks good on me by the way, Green not so much.

If you don't know about Kool-Aid coloring it is basically 2 packets of Kool-Aid (unsweetened makes it less sticky) and conditioner and mix it, put it on hair and wrap with plastic wrap for a few hours. There are a ton of other variations on how to do it too. Then you too can be a candy colored hottie!

What I want to know is, what have you guys done with items other than there original intended purpose?????? Do tell! Comment Me here!

Worst Christmas Song Ever!

Ok, so most of you know I am already in my holiday mind set and listening to Holiday music (WLIT in Chicago) and (WSWT in Peoria). I love music. I would die if no melodies sang to my heart. I come from a family with some pretty impressive musical talents (including opera, elite children's choirs, and such) I was lucky in my youth to sing and hopefully will make music a love when I have children.

Now that it is the holiday season, I fully look forward to hearing new and classic Christmas and Holiday music. O' Tannenbaum by Vince Guaraldi Trio (the Peanuts music) just jazzes me all up, as does Josh Groban's O' Holy Night for it's power and musical beauty. I am also fond of Dominick the Donkey from Lou Monte. I have a CD case devoted to all my Holiday CD's and I may need a new one soon. One of my Favorite memories was of my mother (before going bat shit crazy and being an alcoholic) would get out her favorite Holiday albums (yes kiddos, vinyl) The best one was not only an awesome record, as it was see-through red, but it had a collection of beautiful carols. I was also delighted when she put on the "Little Drummer Boy" record which has carols, Gospels, and spirituals on it.

Anyways, this brings me to the WORST Christmas song ever......Christmas Shoes performed by NewSong (2000). I am not alone in this judgement, as In Tom Reynolds 2006 book I Hate Myself and Want to Die: The 52 Most Depressing Songs You've Ever Heard, he names "The Christmas Shoes" as the most depressing song in modern recorded music history (per wiki) I just heard this song for the hundredth time, and I want to slit my wrists.
How the Hell does some one's mom dying and being poor have to do with either Christmas/Jesus's Birth/Sparkley Commercialization Joy?

Here are some of the uplifting lyrics:

Daddy says there's not much time
You see, she's been sick for quite a while
And I know these shoes will make her smile
And I want her to look beautiful
If Momma meets Jesus, tonight.

Wow-thanks, where is the nearest bridge to jump from? Oh and they have kids singing this. Poor children! I donate to a cause every Christmas, even when I don't have much, because I want to share the joy of the season with people who were like me and struggle with life. If I want to be guilted into savoring life I will listen to another Favorite:
Christmas Song from South Park: Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics.

The minute we're born we start dying
We die a little more every day
Young or old Rich or poor
There's nothing we can do to stop it
So look long at that Christmas tree
It may be the last one that you see.
Decorate your house in green and red
'Cause someday you'll be dead.

Chorus-sang by Kids also-

Dead, Dead, Dead
Someday you'll be dead
Dead, Dead, Dead
Someday we'll all be dead
At least this song is uptempo and is on the same album as Merry Fucking Christmas and The Lonely Jew On Christmas which are also a holiday treat! (yes I know-I am going to Hell)