Stop Reading if you are easily offended or have a sick love of celebrities. I joke at death, deal with it.
My Favorite 2009 Celebrity Death. With so many famous corpses and so many reason to their demise, how do you even pick a favorite?
I know the cause of Death.
Sorry Micheal Jackson, you dying of an OD just isn't that shocking.
Farrah Fawcett dying of cancer suck ass and in her case that is especially true.
Walter Cronkite, Bless him, but he was old.
Adam "DJ AM" Goldstein, Drugs, not a big shocker in Hollywood for the last 50 years.
Patrick Swayze-I loved him in Ghost, I hope he haunts Whoopi Goldberg again.
Brittany Murphy, when people have to say you were in Clueless from 1995 you weren't THAT famous.
Bea Arthur-my favorite Golden Girl, well she wasn't on the young list either.
So that leads me to my favorite celebrity Death of 2009.
David Carradine!!! Who else in 2009 went out on Auto-erotic Asphyxiation. Fucking Classic. I now have a new found appreciation for Kung Fu (the TV show).
The Tin Foil Angel- Adventures in food, art, and random crap.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Friday, December 11, 2009
Back and Barfy-er than ever!
So sorry to have not updated in a bit, but I got knocked-up. Yep and little fetus is kicking my ass with morning sickness. I am just over 9 weeks right now, and have yet to feel glowing or magical, just a whole lot of puking. I have been and will be on bed rest for this whole thing due to some dangerous complications. God help me and those who have to deal with that aka my Hubby.
Even with all those baby shows like A Baby's Story, Birth Day and what not, I have learned jack shit. The need a show about pregnancy gas, hot and cold chills, eye fatigue, heaving, and over all hormone hell. Maybe the 2nd trimester will be better, but right now I feel like a pukey grumpus!
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Thank you Veterans!!
Tomorrow is Veterans Day and I wanted to that all members of our Military. Not only do you put your life on the line for Freedom, you allow smart-asses like me to write whatever I want, because I get the privilage of living in this country. Thank you.
My Cupcake Brings All the Boys to the Yard
Time to get more bitterness and random musings out onto the interwebs.
These are just a few things that have pissed me off lately in no particular order:
Drivers with rosary beads hanging from their rear view mirrors who cut me off. I am glad you choose to use your prayer beads as decoration (not a St. Christopher's medal, which didn't he get revoked awhile back) , I mean I have a Power Puff Girl hanging from mine, but I am pretty sure God would like it more if you were not a dick on the road.
When the toilet paper sticks to itself on the roll (and not when you grabbed the wrong "dual" layer) I mean, I paid good money not to get the cheap-assed sandpaper rolls, so I should have it at least come off the roll smoothly.
It is 2009 and we have at least 3 different erectile dysfunction drugs, but Omega-3 fish oil pills make you smell like 3 day old carp washed ashore in the sun. My cat wouldn't stop licking me until I switched to the Flax seed version, as I have to take per Dr's orders. Any body want a half used bottle of the fish oil pills?
So I have been not sleeping well, and have had the TV on for back ground noise. Late/Early hours VH1 has music videos. I was listening to Lady Gaga song "Poker Face" the edited out the word "Muffin" from the lyrics..." cause I'm bluffin with my muffin"....Really MUFFIN, I mean yes we all know what she means, but muffin???? I think just for that I will call my special place cupcake for a year or more as my way of fighting the "Man".
Ok, time to do something like clean I guess.
These are just a few things that have pissed me off lately in no particular order:
Drivers with rosary beads hanging from their rear view mirrors who cut me off. I am glad you choose to use your prayer beads as decoration (not a St. Christopher's medal, which didn't he get revoked awhile back) , I mean I have a Power Puff Girl hanging from mine, but I am pretty sure God would like it more if you were not a dick on the road.
When the toilet paper sticks to itself on the roll (and not when you grabbed the wrong "dual" layer) I mean, I paid good money not to get the cheap-assed sandpaper rolls, so I should have it at least come off the roll smoothly.
It is 2009 and we have at least 3 different erectile dysfunction drugs, but Omega-3 fish oil pills make you smell like 3 day old carp washed ashore in the sun. My cat wouldn't stop licking me until I switched to the Flax seed version, as I have to take per Dr's orders. Any body want a half used bottle of the fish oil pills?
So I have been not sleeping well, and have had the TV on for back ground noise. Late/Early hours VH1 has music videos. I was listening to Lady Gaga song "Poker Face" the edited out the word "Muffin" from the lyrics..." cause I'm bluffin with my muffin"....Really MUFFIN, I mean yes we all know what she means, but muffin???? I think just for that I will call my special place cupcake for a year or more as my way of fighting the "Man".
Ok, time to do something like clean I guess.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
A better way to do a Blow-job?
So many things to be snarky about, and my mind is like some sort of evil hop-scotch game....my thought train derails often, so I think I will pick leaf blowers for today's rant, as it seams like a relevant topic in autumn.
A leaf blower is gardening tool that propels air out of a nozzle to move yard debris such as leaves. (according to Wikipedia).
To me the are an useless, annoying tool, that people use to annoy their neighbors and or to be lazy sacks of crappola.
I live in a townhome, so I pay money to the association to take care of lawn maintenance. They in turn pay some money to the lowest bid landscapers to take care of lawn maintenance. Mostly I am happy that I don't have to mow the 6 foot by 6 foot area known as my backyard, but on rare occasions, they landscapers sleep under my front tree and scare the crap outta me when I come home at lunch time to train my pets, as it isn't everyday you see a body lying on your front lawn (ok when it hasn't been an all night kegger)!
Anyways, back on the topic, they use leaf blowers to move the dead, fallen leaves onto the street, where in turn passing cars blow them back onto the lawns. WTF was the point? What a freaking waste of gas and time. Either rake the leaves-which I would have no problem doing myself, or mulch them with a mulching attachment on the lawnmowers. I like to be green and stuff, so this seems like a better idea for the environment, not to mention the fucking noise those little bastards make. It is the gardening worlds answer to nails on a chalk board! (as you see I am green, but more over annoyed)
Maybe if these items were even the least bit useful I wouldn't have a problem with them.
But El, I have a hurt back and can't rake-My answer...that is what your kids are for, or the neighbor kids are for. We need kids to do more manual labor, isn't there an epidemic in this nation of fat little bastards running around. Paint your rake like a Wii controller and tell them it is a new game.
But El, Little Johnny doesn't listen to me- Beat little Johnny or load him up on ADHD drugs like all your friends are doing. Give 5 bucks to the neighbor kid to do it and tell him/her you won't tell their parents about their habit of smoking/drinking..fill in the blank.....blackmail is your friend!
Happy Friggin Autumn!
A leaf blower is gardening tool that propels air out of a nozzle to move yard debris such as leaves. (according to Wikipedia).
To me the are an useless, annoying tool, that people use to annoy their neighbors and or to be lazy sacks of crappola.
I live in a townhome, so I pay money to the association to take care of lawn maintenance. They in turn pay some money to the lowest bid landscapers to take care of lawn maintenance. Mostly I am happy that I don't have to mow the 6 foot by 6 foot area known as my backyard, but on rare occasions, they landscapers sleep under my front tree and scare the crap outta me when I come home at lunch time to train my pets, as it isn't everyday you see a body lying on your front lawn (ok when it hasn't been an all night kegger)!
Anyways, back on the topic, they use leaf blowers to move the dead, fallen leaves onto the street, where in turn passing cars blow them back onto the lawns. WTF was the point? What a freaking waste of gas and time. Either rake the leaves-which I would have no problem doing myself, or mulch them with a mulching attachment on the lawnmowers. I like to be green and stuff, so this seems like a better idea for the environment, not to mention the fucking noise those little bastards make. It is the gardening worlds answer to nails on a chalk board! (as you see I am green, but more over annoyed)
Maybe if these items were even the least bit useful I wouldn't have a problem with them.
But El, I have a hurt back and can't rake-My answer...that is what your kids are for, or the neighbor kids are for. We need kids to do more manual labor, isn't there an epidemic in this nation of fat little bastards running around. Paint your rake like a Wii controller and tell them it is a new game.
But El, Little Johnny doesn't listen to me- Beat little Johnny or load him up on ADHD drugs like all your friends are doing. Give 5 bucks to the neighbor kid to do it and tell him/her you won't tell their parents about their habit of smoking/drinking..fill in the blank.....blackmail is your friend!
Happy Friggin Autumn!
Worst Christmas Song Ever!
Ok, so most of you know I am already in my holiday mind set and listening to Holiday music (WLIT in Chicago). I love music. I would die if no melodies sang to my heart. I come from a family with some pretty impressive musical talents (including opera, elite children's choirs, and such) I was lucky in my youth to sing and hopefully will make music a love when I have children.
Now that it is the holiday season, I fully look forward to hearing new and classic Christmas and Holiday music. O' Tannenbaum by Vince Guaraldi Trio (the Peanuts music) just jazzes me all up, as does Josh Groban's O' Holy Night for it's power and musical beauty. I am also fond of Dominick the Donkey from Lou Monte. I have a CD case devoted to all my Holiday CD's and I may need a new one soon. One of my Favorite memories was of my mother (before going bat shit crazy and being an alcoholic) would get out her favorite Holiday albums (yes kiddos, vinyl) The best one was not only an awesome record, as it was see-through red, but it had a collection of beautiful carols. I was also delighted when she put on the "Little Drummer Boy" record which has carols, Gospels, and spirituals on it.
Anyways, this brings me to the WORST Christmas song ever......Christmas Shoes performed by NewSong (2000). I am not alone in this judgement, as In Tom Reynolds 2006 book I Hate Myself and Want to Die: The 52 Most Depressing Songs You've Ever Heard, he names "The Christmas Shoes" as the most depressing song in modern recorded music history (per wiki) I just heard this song for the hundredth time, and I want to slit my wrists.
How the Hell does some one's mom dying and being poor have to do with either Christmas/Jesus's Birth/Sparkley Commercialization Joy?
Here are some of the uplifting lyrics:
Daddy says there's not much time
You see, she's been sick for quite a while
And I know these shoes will make her smile
And I want her to look beautiful
If Momma meets Jesus, tonight.
Wow-thanks, where is the nearest bridge to jump from? Oh and they have kids singing this. Poor children! I donate to a cause every Christmas, even when I don't have much, because I want to share the joy of the season with people who were like me and struggle with life. If I want to be guilted into savoring life I will listen to another Favorite:
Christmas Song from South Park: Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics.
The minute we're born we start dying
We die a little more every day
Young or old Rich or poor
There's nothing we can do to stop it
So look long at that Christmas tree
It may be the last one that you see.
Decorate your house in green and red
'Cause someday you'll be dead.
Chorus-sang by Kids also-
Dead, Dead, Dead
Someday you'll be dead
Dead, Dead, Dead
Someday we'll all be dead
At least this song is uptempo and is on the same album as Merry Fucking Christmas and The Lonely Jew On Christmas which are also a holiday treat! (yes I know-I am going to Hell)
Now that it is the holiday season, I fully look forward to hearing new and classic Christmas and Holiday music. O' Tannenbaum by Vince Guaraldi Trio (the Peanuts music) just jazzes me all up, as does Josh Groban's O' Holy Night for it's power and musical beauty. I am also fond of Dominick the Donkey from Lou Monte. I have a CD case devoted to all my Holiday CD's and I may need a new one soon. One of my Favorite memories was of my mother (before going bat shit crazy and being an alcoholic) would get out her favorite Holiday albums (yes kiddos, vinyl) The best one was not only an awesome record, as it was see-through red, but it had a collection of beautiful carols. I was also delighted when she put on the "Little Drummer Boy" record which has carols, Gospels, and spirituals on it.
Anyways, this brings me to the WORST Christmas song ever......Christmas Shoes performed by NewSong (2000). I am not alone in this judgement, as In Tom Reynolds 2006 book I Hate Myself and Want to Die: The 52 Most Depressing Songs You've Ever Heard, he names "The Christmas Shoes" as the most depressing song in modern recorded music history (per wiki) I just heard this song for the hundredth time, and I want to slit my wrists.
How the Hell does some one's mom dying and being poor have to do with either Christmas/Jesus's Birth/Sparkley Commercialization Joy?
Here are some of the uplifting lyrics:
Daddy says there's not much time
You see, she's been sick for quite a while
And I know these shoes will make her smile
And I want her to look beautiful
If Momma meets Jesus, tonight.
Wow-thanks, where is the nearest bridge to jump from? Oh and they have kids singing this. Poor children! I donate to a cause every Christmas, even when I don't have much, because I want to share the joy of the season with people who were like me and struggle with life. If I want to be guilted into savoring life I will listen to another Favorite:
Christmas Song from South Park: Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics.
The minute we're born we start dying
We die a little more every day
Young or old Rich or poor
There's nothing we can do to stop it
So look long at that Christmas tree
It may be the last one that you see.
Decorate your house in green and red
'Cause someday you'll be dead.
Chorus-sang by Kids also-
Dead, Dead, Dead
Someday you'll be dead
Dead, Dead, Dead
Someday we'll all be dead
At least this song is uptempo and is on the same album as Merry Fucking Christmas and The Lonely Jew On Christmas which are also a holiday treat! (yes I know-I am going to Hell)
This Cracker loves some Goldfish Crackers.
I was in the shower shaving my legs, lest I look like Chewbacca, when a little ditty popped into my head. It was a jingle for one of my favorite animal shaped food products (and yes I have multiple favorite animal shaped food products, including Nabisco Classic Candy coated Animal Crackers they are fucking fantastic! ).
It was the old jingle for Gold Fish Crackers -" the snack that smiles back until you bite their heads off". I friggin loved this advertising campaign. I was sad when they shortened it to just "the snack the smiles back", as it is all about biting their heads off!!!!!!
You just know some uptight parent complained that the slogan would turn their little angel into a serial killer. Dude it wasn't the slogan that turned Lil' Johnny into a homicidal maniac, it was the lack of parenting and all the drugs like ADD pills for the kids who don't need it (yes there are who need it, but you know the ones that are getting scripts from doctors only because parents can't discipline their kids or don't care to).
Anyways, I really miss that peppy jingle!
It was the old jingle for Gold Fish Crackers -" the snack that smiles back until you bite their heads off". I friggin loved this advertising campaign. I was sad when they shortened it to just "the snack the smiles back", as it is all about biting their heads off!!!!!!
You just know some uptight parent complained that the slogan would turn their little angel into a serial killer. Dude it wasn't the slogan that turned Lil' Johnny into a homicidal maniac, it was the lack of parenting and all the drugs like ADD pills for the kids who don't need it (yes there are who need it, but you know the ones that are getting scripts from doctors only because parents can't discipline their kids or don't care to).
Anyways, I really miss that peppy jingle!
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