VD -causing business for therapists forever

Where to start. Valentines past? Whining for current romance.? Silly whims and dreams of romantic woman?

I come to the impending holiday of Love with mixed emotions. I love making heart crafts with the spawn. I dread hearing over the top love stories though. The remind me of failures and disappointments.

I got engaged in a surprise on Valentines Day. My boyfriend was scheduled to work it, so he came over that night with a teddy bear for me. I though that was so adorable. He came over to my window late at night very romeo and Juliet style, just to make sure I got it on midnight. I went to sleep happy. I was awoken the next morning to a call from the BF saying he needed me at his house urgently. I got there as fast as I could. I walked into the home and roses where everywhere. candles to. Turns out he didn't have to work and want to propose. (insert the awwwww). To bad that relationship when down in flames like the Hindenburg.

Fast forward to my Husband. Romance is not his thing. I know that, but I didn't realize that our engagement would have the emotions of shame, sadness, and crippling self worth. Not things you want with a happy time that it is supposed to be. From a cheap tiny ring that was almost the same as my previous promise ring from the ex-(and not my style) to the get it handed to me while watching move credits (no big will you question all girls dream of) to well we gotta keep this secret to my parents as your aren't good enough for them. Oh it was magical alright, especially knowing he was staying with his crush over this same time period and getting to here how beautiful and wonderful she is. I was pretty much ready to find a gun and go all Jeremy from Pearl Jam on myself. I still struggle with this.  So yeah Happy Valentines day.

Women only good for beauty?

Sometimes are culture sucks ass, and not in a kinky way that would earn you fame in the porn world. Women are pretty much valued for well being pretty. Brains, naw, it is all about plastic tits, as real ones would be too saggy, uneven, or too small. When the world waits with with bated breathe for the latest Sports Illustrated Swimsuit edition or the Victoria Secret fashion show, we judge India for gruesome rapes and treatment of their women, with an air superiority. Studies have proved that beautiful women get promoted over those that may be more qualified. We honor beauty with endless money and fame. We live in a society where multiple woman have gotten famous for nothing more than sex tapes.

Just this week Chicago fans mocked a cheer leader for being "ugly", as that was a major sin. Truth is she looked like your average girl, no fake boobs, eyelashes, hair, or tan.
http://sports.yahoo.com/blogs/nfl-shutdown-corner/former-packers-cheerleader-takes-facebook-cyberbullying-223252996--nfl.html

How about change the image described in the book of the main character to make her look "sexy" even if it looks nothing like the author described?
http://www.buzzfeed.com/ellievhall/anne-of-green-gables-is-a-sexy-blonde-on-the-cover-of-a-new


 If we want to bash a woman call her ugly or fat.
http://www.contracostatimes.com/breaking-news/ci_22552232/hicks-melissa-mccarthys-weight-targeted-nasty-rex-reed?source=rss


  I pity girls and young women growing up today. We have such a warped sense of beauty and gender. From fake hair, make-up and even push-up bras for 4 year old in toddler pageants to every major magazine publishing the latest female celebrity in a bikini and judging too fat or thin, we have let down all the women who worked so hard to earn respect. When will women take back their own gender? When will we stop posing? When will we respect our bodies and insist others due as well. I am not a conservative nor a feminist, but just want women to be more than to be judged on if they fit into our narrow ideals.

The H word

I have been battling an wandering infection for sometime now. 3 days after my surgical lung biopsy, I came down with a cold that turned evil on me. It decided after lungs and sinus cavities to make a home in a lymph in my neck. It was so very sexy to have a bulge on the side just in time to be in a wedding. Then it made it hard to eat and drink, so I took my merry ass to the doctor. I got meds that were in a family of drugs that I have known allergies to, but my other options were surgery and surgery. I felt I made a good choice. The first few days were tummy upset, but I saw the swelling go down on my neck. Then came my old friend yeast infection. It happens alot to girls on antibiotics. That was ok-I can deal. Then came bleeding from all my softer skin areas-like inside my mouth, my bum and hoo-hoo. Call the doc. He says come in now. Sure enough my reactions were getting worse. Then I tell him about the fun bleeding. He checks my mouth cause he is not my crotch doc. Sure enough it wasn't canker or cold sore, no thrush, just the tissue almost disappearing. He then suggests that I might be having Hemorrhoids also.

Ewwww I never wanted to hear that word. I live in fear of it. I was terrified when I heard that they were a common issue in pregnancy. I mean I can handle Vag bleeding, but Butt bleeding somehow seems evil. I should also note my pain tolerance is pretty high, so I pretty much got sent home with rest and to take massive probiotic pills for the next month and start my iron again as the bleeding is taking alot out of me. I also learned that I still don't like the word Hemorrhoids. If this doesn't resolve soon I may need some butt creme. Ewwwwwww. It is 2013, shouldn't we have some sort of magic vaccine against bums ever getting them? Well, at least I get an excuse to be grumpy for a bit.

lazy

So I didn't get on my blogging game like I had hoped. Damn sickness. I am pretty sure all my witty snark got flushed into the local sewer with my ability to say no to cheesecake. Luckily, being sick and meds have made me lose 6 pounds in 16 days. Woot Woot. Next up I will try and learn to sew blankets for the Linus Project with help of my MIL. Then I also need to work on my handmade Valentines. I want to find a fun way to spread love and work in the word herpes with glitter and condom use for my single friends whom may not make the wisest sexual partner choices. What can I say, I am a romantic that way. Till then stay classy Peoria and the World.

Fatty Fat Fatass, but hey I got Boobs

Oh sweet Irony, the fat girl with "anorexic" issues. Tis true though. This is New Years Resolution season and most people go with lose weight. I know I am. I was horrified at what I have become size wise. I hate it. I loathe myself. Every minute I am awake and some while dreaming, it is on my mind. I am so fat. Then again my whole life I thought I was fat, but this time I truly am. I was raised to believe outside beauty was most important, than "no one wants to marry a fatass", and I was cursed to be short with huge thighs I should hate. I was lovingly taught to find and hate every flaw. My parent taught me that I have horrible freckles, fat thighs, frizzy hair, too pale, too dark haired, too short, big nosed, and huge butt. I was taught a very complicated love and hate of food and fatness. I wasn't allowed sweets but given buttery french style meals. I would hide M&M's inside socks in my dresser. I was told even at 95 lbs. my thighs and butt were huge. Starting in middle school I would refuse to wear shorts and opted for the approved sweatpants as we had mandatory uniforms for gym in all schools I attended. I would also choose long skirts for choir. I also opted not to shower in gym and the idea of anyone seeing my "fat" body was to horrific (and lucky for me I didn't sweat). By 20 I had perfected jogging and living on Mountain Dew and 4 bites of food. I had a 21 inch waist and wore 10/12 hild's size, yet still felt I had a huge butt. By 23 though I started gaining due to a job that involved sitting and better meals. I got to a comfortable weight. By 27 I began to put on more weight that I should. Eating right and working out did nothing. I tried to find out why, but no luck with Doctors. Coworkers then would let me know I was fat and should lose weight to look good again, so classy! Skip ahead to my pregnancy which was already high risk, and my gallbladder went nuts. I ended up losing 20 lbs and had to deliver early because of severe puking and weight loss. I was so skinny again I was in a bikini 6 weeks later. It was awesome, then in one month- just 30 days I gained 40+lbs. Then it just kept coming. Got my new Doctor who said it was my Thyroid and stress (job loss, other chronic health issues, house loss, moving). Since then I have ballooned. Meds have been tried. I finally have quit gaining which the Doc said is a victory, but doesn't feel like one when I am round. Now to 2013. I want to get to a comfortable size, but have to be careful how I get there. I am eating better and have my recubant bike thingy. Hubby and I will add in more walking. I just hope I can get to a place where I don't loathe myself and fear going out in public. Next topic will be shallow I promise. :)

Coming back for more .

It has been a while since I posted, but I need to get back to snark, recipes, crafts and more. I hope you are ready for it all! Stay tuned :)

hope

About to hopefully start a journey that will end years of questions and pain. If I should have the chance to go before the great medical minds at Mayo's clinic another worry will pop in as a "what-if". What if no one will take the time to listen to me and hear what I am saying about my own physical health that has now crept into my mental health as well. I am nervous and hopefully, with a slight dread of what if these doctors don't listen and make it sound as if I am just nuts? I just want my life back. I just want to be able to enjoy a short walk. I would love to take a shower without the water burning my flesh. I would love to eat and not get sick after each meal. I would love to fit my own clothes and shoes,but instead swell daily up to 20 at the max. Rips in my skin and bruises on my legs trend to make me ashamed when out in public. The worst is the "hot" flashes. The are a downpour of sweat and unrelenting stomach pain.Then the fatigue which was already bad is almost paralyzing. I just want to be me. I have given up to much time, education, work, hobbies, and just being a half there wife and mother. I want my life back. I want to love life and not dread getting out of bed or into a shower. I am scared of how quickly these newest symptoms have come on and how no doctor here knows what to do. Lonely is a good word for what I feel right now.

Thank you.

I'mma Cut You Bitch

A lovely evening in mid-autumn, brought cool breezes and wanna-be-gangsta thugs. In my Burb, there is a fair amount of real gangs, but we also have the white wanna-bes too. This evening was an early to bed night as work was early in the morning, and me in the morning is not pretty, and sometimes a pissy ordeal. Our Master bedroom faced the street parking at our apartments.

I was in my fuzzy PJ pants and a tanktop, sans the boob holders. and rocking knee-socks.

I had just settled into that comfy position that is achieved only when all the elements of the world align just for you. It was glorious. The that glory turned to the wailing as my car alarm was going off. Having already dealt with car theft at a previous location, I was not gonna go for a twoffer.

I grabbed my Chef's Knife and ran down to flight of stairs screaming at the top of my lungs " I swear to God I am gonna cut a bitch!"-All while wildly waving a very large and clearly sharp knife. I for got about wearing fuzzy pants,a wife beater, and fuzzy slippers with my hair in pigtails. I didn't care, my car is my baby. I truly will cut a bitch if they harm my green machine.

Everything is Better Drunk-Right?

Geeks love food, and my Geek is no exception. He and his friends took me to one of their favorite Mexican spots in Chicago when we were dating. We had an amazing meal with a great group of geeks who treated my like one of the guys.

The appetizer really was a wonder of molten cheese, meat, and a flavor that could only come from my old friend Tequila. The name of this was Queso Fundido.(Cheese Meltdown). Holy Mother, a trilogy of awesome with a side a grease.

I hate cheap tequila, but I never turn down free booze (unless it is grape or anise flavored). Having had multiple parties and random bottles of liquor brought including cheap tequila a thought popped into my head- This is the perfect time to play let's make drunk cheese!

*In no way am I claiming this to be authentic to anything else.
*This is not Diet Food.

Ingredients:

14 oz. Beef Chorizo
16 oz. Chihuahua Cheese
8 oz. Cheddar
splashes of Tequila

In a medium saucepan, brown the Chorizo with a few dashes of Tequila. After browning, drain some of the grease off. Spread the browned Chorizo in a baking pan. Add a little Tequila. Top with the Cheeses and sprinkle just a little Tequila over the cheese. Bake at 350 until Cheese bubbles and browns. You may want to use a broiler if you would like a more molten and browned top.
Goes great with Tacos and Refried Beans. Yummy and Heartburn wonderful!



Lets get that meat drunk!



Cheese, the Oooey Gooey Reason for Living.



Spread that meat like a Hooker spreads her Legs.



Layer on the Cheese like a Hipster and scarfs.



Time to Get that Cheese Drunk!



Bonus Points if you get your cat to look at you from above disapprovingly.



Bake that Bitch!



Mmmmm melty.



Enjoy.

Crackheads are not the servers at Cracker Barrel

I love a fun crackhead. I mean where else would you see a man about 9 pm at night running down a parking lot with a large potted plant from Menards (after they closed) in Hoffman Estates. I am pretty sure by the cracked out look and meandering running he wasn't your "clean" plant stealer. We had to much fun trying to figure out if the dude was gonna try and smoke it or sell it to yuppies from drug money. Either way it gave us a laugh at addiction in progress, kinda like the whole Charlie Sheen thing, only I think some people are just wanting him to die.

I think alot of people who have had a complicated raising up have a few of there own favorite crackhead moments. My college roommate, from the south side of Chicago and transplanted to central Illinois, woke me up in the pre-dawn hours to share the news that he saw his first crackwhore on Market Street since he moved to school. It was a special moment that you toast with a box of Pop-Tarts (because it has the word tart and it was in the house) I am not trying to piss-off the crackhead community, but lets be real, they are a great source of humor when they aren't robbing you for crack money.

Road Relationships

So I was reminded recently of one of my favorite type of relationships. They are usually fleeting, but they leave you satisfied. No names are given, but a bond is created. They are like a one night stand sans the STD risk. These are the road buddy relationships. From short in-town errand runs to the long haul road trips I have been fortunate to have a few of these buddies.

I know that few drivers can leave you with a bad case of road rage, but every now and then one will make you happy for a minute with humanity. The other day while coming home from work a very nice driver in a hunter-green Jeep Wrangler coming from the opposite direction flashed his lights letting me know a cop was up ahead clocking. Thank you Jeep Wrangler Dude!

Almost every year we trek south and have a 21 to 23 hour car drive. I love this journey, as you can see things from the road that make you fall in love with this country over, and over again. From the hills of Tennessee to the red clay of Georgia the trip is just breathtakingly gorgeous. However, it is the fellow road buddies who keep you sane with the hour after hour of driving.

Last year we drove the trip with only stops for gas. It was a long drive. Luckily I had two other cars that were on the same highway for a majority of my shift of driving. It was great. We had this little posse cruising into the night. We took turns in who was 1st, 2nd, and 3rd in the line going down the road. We would slow down alerting the next guy if we saw cops (not that we were ever speeding ;), We would wave to one another as we passed each other to take over lead car duties. It was team work at its finest. Thank you Dark Blue Chevy Impala and White Toyota Camry. You made the trip so much easier!

Kool-Aid Hair

My mind gets derailed off the thought train alot.It works like this chugga-chugga WTF? something sparkley....choo-choo.

As I was making pink lemonade last night,and it made me think of making Kool-Aid as a kid. Who doesn't like Kool-Aid. I mean for someone like me who is allergic to fruit and fruit juices (except for Lemons, Limes, and Raspberries), artificial sweeteners like Splenda, nutra-sweet, and the rest, and semi-lactose intolerant, the totally fake Kool-Aid choked full of sugar was awesome! My favorite it Red, as I have no idea what the flavors are called (For all I know it was called Red). Ok, so then thinking of Kool-Aid reminded me of back in the day when my friends would color their hair with this wonder of multi-tasking powder (other than nose candy powder).

Some of you may have done this. I couldn't as my natural hair is just to dark for any Kool-Aid color to show :( , Plus I worked in a hair salon as a teenager and got whatever I wanted for my hair as part of my pay. Purple looks good on me by the way, Green not so much.

If you don't know about Kool-Aid coloring it is basically 2 packets of Kool-Aid (unsweetened makes it less sticky) and conditioner and mix it, put it on hair and wrap with plastic wrap for a few hours. There are a ton of other variations on how to do it too. Then you too can be a candy colored hottie!

What I want to know is, what have you guys done with items other than there original intended purpose?????? Do tell! Comment Me here!

Worst Christmas Song Ever!

Ok, so most of you know I am already in my holiday mind set and listening to Holiday music (WLIT in Chicago) and (WSWT in Peoria). I love music. I would die if no melodies sang to my heart. I come from a family with some pretty impressive musical talents (including opera, elite children's choirs, and such) I was lucky in my youth to sing and hopefully will make music a love when I have children.

Now that it is the holiday season, I fully look forward to hearing new and classic Christmas and Holiday music. O' Tannenbaum by Vince Guaraldi Trio (the Peanuts music) just jazzes me all up, as does Josh Groban's O' Holy Night for it's power and musical beauty. I am also fond of Dominick the Donkey from Lou Monte. I have a CD case devoted to all my Holiday CD's and I may need a new one soon. One of my Favorite memories was of my mother (before going bat shit crazy and being an alcoholic) would get out her favorite Holiday albums (yes kiddos, vinyl) The best one was not only an awesome record, as it was see-through red, but it had a collection of beautiful carols. I was also delighted when she put on the "Little Drummer Boy" record which has carols, Gospels, and spirituals on it.

Anyways, this brings me to the WORST Christmas song ever......Christmas Shoes performed by NewSong (2000). I am not alone in this judgement, as In Tom Reynolds 2006 book I Hate Myself and Want to Die: The 52 Most Depressing Songs You've Ever Heard, he names "The Christmas Shoes" as the most depressing song in modern recorded music history (per wiki) I just heard this song for the hundredth time, and I want to slit my wrists.
How the Hell does some one's mom dying and being poor have to do with either Christmas/Jesus's Birth/Sparkley Commercialization Joy?

Here are some of the uplifting lyrics:

Daddy says there's not much time
You see, she's been sick for quite a while
And I know these shoes will make her smile
And I want her to look beautiful
If Momma meets Jesus, tonight.

Wow-thanks, where is the nearest bridge to jump from? Oh and they have kids singing this. Poor children! I donate to a cause every Christmas, even when I don't have much, because I want to share the joy of the season with people who were like me and struggle with life. If I want to be guilted into savoring life I will listen to another Favorite:
Christmas Song from South Park: Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics.

The minute we're born we start dying
We die a little more every day
Young or old Rich or poor
There's nothing we can do to stop it
So look long at that Christmas tree
It may be the last one that you see.
Decorate your house in green and red
'Cause someday you'll be dead.

Chorus-sang by Kids also-

Dead, Dead, Dead
Someday you'll be dead
Dead, Dead, Dead
Someday we'll all be dead
At least this song is uptempo and is on the same album as Merry Fucking Christmas and The Lonely Jew On Christmas which are also a holiday treat! (yes I know-I am going to Hell)

Color Me Fabulous!

As some of you know I went to college and studied art. I have a pretty good grasp of art history, color theory and all that other stuff, although I didn't graduate (because if illness, not grades) and I really spent more time at IIT becoming a wanna-be geek, but that is besides the point. I know color and I know my crayons! Specifically Crayola, the gold standard in the kids coloring world and in mine.

When I was a child it was pretty obvious that I loved drawing and coloring. The 8 pack of crayons were just so not gonna do. I skipped all the smaller sizes and went for the 64 box. Oh yeah baby. Then for my 7th birthday I got the crayola master set (or whatever it was called). It had over 100 crayons and water colors, brushes, and all that fantastic plastic joy. Anyways, even though I had this big choice of colors, I always seemed to go to my Crayola 64-box first.

Each color I can think of a memory, I will only list a few to not bore those here who are still reading.

All my friends thought that the white crayon was useless. I mean we mostly colored on white paper, and even if we used construction paper it was rare and we were prolly not using crayons. I however, loved the white crayon, not for coloring, per say, but as my little oops friend. I wasn't allowed to have white-out (really what 4-8 year is?) but I did have my handy dandy white crayon to save the day when I maybe, accidentally was playing with my baseball in the house, and it left a mark on the wall. Easy fix for me and mister white crayon. I just applied a hardy press and poof, the mark was hidden (as we had white walls in our house-my mom only ever painted the bedrooms and not the other living areas) Granted it didn't match the paint exactly, but my parents were never that observant anyways!

Thinking back, I can remember my friends and I comparing proper coloring techniques while coloring in a coloring book. Do you re-outline the image, then shade lightly within those lines, or do you go heavy handed with the wax?

Now Crayola has introduced colors for decades. I usually don't have issue with crayon names, but sometimes they just annoy me. Like when they introduced Purple Mountain's Majesty in 1993. I mean really, don't you think this is just a touch wordy for an audience using coloring books? Is Lavender just too simple, because that is what the color really is. The same goes for Wild Blue Yonder introduced in 2003. It is a dusty blue, which is none to wild in itself.

You have to admit, there is something comforting in seeing a new box of crayons just waiting to be used. That deep yellow box with the possibility for you to be 5 again. And yes, I love the way a new crayon smells! Now I want to go color too!

Cheese mmmm

What is Low-class cheese you ask? It is cheese that you would not serve on a fancy cheese board with a vintage wine(The fancy stuff being Brie, Gorganzola, Asiago ect...). Personally I love the lower-class cheeses. Not to knock fancy cheese, but sometimes you just need a fix of the artificially orange "cheese product"!

Cheez Wiz. Yes the beautiful gooey cheese in a jar. It is essential to the Philly cheese-steak for some people. A recipe published by Pat's King of Steaks says, with regard to cheese, "We recommend Cheez Whiz; American or Provolone works fine."The proprietor of Geno's, however, considers provolone or American cheese more authentic, but Pat's introduction of Cheese Whiz allowed it to quickly become a "topping of choice.
It is also a great topping to french fries.

Easy Cheese. Processed Cheese product distributed by Kraft Foods, also referred to aerosol cheese (no aerosol is used though) or spray cheese. It comes packaged in a spray can, much like canned whipped cream. One of my favorite "heart attach snacks" is taking easy cheese and spraying it inside a "Bugle" snacks, so that it forms a cheesy ice-cream cone looking thing.

Velveeta. Another processed cheese product. A great thing to do with Velveeta is melt it in the microwave with salsa and a slash of milk and you have a warm and cheese dip for nachos in just a minute. mmmmmm Velveeta also can be used in fudge. Yes Fudge. I would never have believed it, but it does exist and tastes good!

Nacho Cheese (from a can). I don't think I could go to a hockey game with out ordering stadium nachos with extra cheese. Oh that glorious melted, spicy cheese from a can. Besides nachos, it is also a tasty addition to fries, chili, baked potatoes, hotdogs and corn bread.

American Cheese. The most famous of the processed cheese. How can anyone not like this cheese. It is the corner stone of America (hence the name!) Everyone loves a grilled cheese sandwich, and the most used cheese for that sandwich is American Cheese. I think it should be unpatriotic to hate American Cheese.

iJokes for the iPads

I guess I will never understand the jizzfest for every time Apple does anything, then again I am not a trust fund baby who needs every new toy to validate my state of awesomeness. I will say I want a Macbook for the graphics and art reasons, but in the real world we use Windows.

Anyways here are my favorite iPad jokes so far:

It is on "the bleeding edge of technology!

"Is there some kind of alternative tablet I can use in case I have to go swimming?

"Can I still wear white pants? Will it make them look bulky?"

"I hate them too. Period."

"Will women send their husbands to the Apple store to buy iPads?"

“You can go everywhere with it, but NOT IN THE POOL!“

When your iPad spends a lot of time with other iPads, they sync up.

It has a super-cute pink scented carry case that fits discreetly in your purse.

If your iPad gets cranky, it’s not your iPad’s fault. But you should probably shut the f**k up and stop being so annoying.

If you take your iPad with you in the ocean, you’re more likely to get eaten by a shark.

If your iPad is making you feel sick, perhaps they have a remedy at Research in Motrin.

So I can say "That chick is on her iPad" and not be called a pig? Thank you Apple.

I get the power to name a kid?

Now that I am knocked-up, I have been getting alot of questions about what will I name this child. Thanks to the Duggars (of 19 kids and counting) I have been asked what letter are we going with. Well being this is our first child, and most likely last, cause I am not doing this again, I am not sure that we need to pick a letter that will have tons of options for future kids. However we did name our pets with the same letter of "M" and made it a theme. Maybe we should just keep going with that theme for the future kid, I mean why ruin a tradition right?
So the pets names are Mimosa (a kitty that plays fetch) and Marteeny (my brain damaged dog).
So with the letter "M" and alcohol theme we have tons of choices for our sweet bundle of joy.

If it is a girl we like the following:

Margarita, kinda common though.

Merlot, sounds all fancy like, don't it?

Midori (which means Melon in Japanese so we get bonus points for international flair)

MaiTai, but that sounds kinda slutty to me.

If it is a boy we like the following:
Mojito, aka Mo

Manischewitz (but then we would have to make sure the baby had a circumcision to keep kosher)

Mezcal, which would be awesome cause we could nickname the kid "the worm".

Michelob, but then some kid name Budweiser might beat him up.

Mad Dog 20/20, that would be awesome, especially if he followed in his parents academic prowess and became Valedictorian and the principal had to say that name in front of all the other kids named Micheal and Mary and their parents.

Well hopefully I can make a good decision when the time comes to sign the birth certificate.

Happy New Years!

Happy New Years-only a few days late. Been pretty sick with this pregnancy. I went to the my favorite doctor and found out I lost 14 pounds, but baby is ok. Get to go back in 2 weeks for more test cause of my serious complications.

Thank goodness for friends support, cause living on strict bed rest is oh so much fun as is puking 24/7.
Being stuck in bed with just TV has lead to some fun times and new obsessions, the Slap-Chop remix rap commercial.

Well to tired to write more now. Hopefully I will get my ass in gear soon!